Dating a white girl with a black child
Some women with children do not want any more kids, and this is an awkward conversation to have after you have already exchanged “I love yous” or “I dos.” If you want one or two kids and she already has one or two kids, this is a conversation you should have sooner rather than later.
In addition, if you do not want any (biological) kids of your own, do not assume that just because she has one or more child from a previous relationship that she does not want anymore with you. As a continuation of the above point, one of the hardest changes for many single men who decide to date a woman with a child is realizing they are not in first place. This is a hard adjustment for many men to make because when you’re single and don’t have any kids, you can be as selfish as you want.
If you are a step parent or single mother, what advice would you offer a man to know if he is ready to date a woman with kids from a previous relationship?
Wisdom Is Misery, aka WIM, uses his background as an internal auditor to provide objective, yet opinionated, qualitative and quantitative analysis on life, love, and everything in between.
Contrary to popular belief — and Lifetime movies — not every woman with a child is looking for a second parent if the biological parent is actively involved in the child’s life and doing a good, low-drama job of co-parenting.
An honest conversation about this should minimize the chances of you making a surprise cameo on a VH1 reality show. Should a man without kids hesitate to date a woman with kids?
WIM is not a model, a model citizen, or a role model.
See more of WIM on his weekly write-ups for SBM, on Twitter @Wisdom Is Misery, and Instagram: Wisdom Is Misery.
While the age of the child plays a factor, if you’re not looking for anything serious, you shouldn’t play the “I’ll figure it out” game with a ready-made family. He also shaved his head and, apparently, that threw my friend for a loop. The actor who’d given me his head shot as soon as he learned I was a TV writer. I have a lot of friends in interracial relationships. After we were seated I asked him how many black girls he’d dated. “I don’t want to be part of your chocolate fantasy.”“Uh … She raised an eyebrow and slurped on her vodka cranberry. I’m black and my friend Kim is white, as was the guy in question. The real estate agent I’d met at the LACMA summer jazz series. Translation: I’d never do it but I think Halle Berry’s pretty. What if I were part of some Dixieland fantasy of his? “Because maybe black girls are your thing,” I said. Another time, my boyfriend got a call from his ex-girlfriend. I’m not exaggerating when I say white people stared at us as we walked down the street. If we had them, they would be “multiethnic” or “biracial” or “mixed heritage.” All terms that annoyed me. Maisha Closson is a TV writer living in Los Angeles. If you have comments or a true story to tell, email us at [email protected] We want to publish your story Two weeks later, I climbed in the passenger seat of the bald white guy’s truck when he picked me up from my apartment in Miracle Mile. I smiled as he told me he’d made a reservation at Ammo. He had mentioned he was a lawyer, so I’d already mentally checked the box for gainfully employed. Over the years working in numerous writers rooms as the only black writer, I’d become a pro at deciphering comments white guys made: More L. Affairs columns Interracial relationships aren’t a big deal nowadays. For that reason, I started getting nervous about this guy. Whenever we went somewhere with a lot of black people in attendance, I got the side eye from some of them. ”And some days, it was tough because I felt guilty for not completing the picture of the strong black couple. The kicker was when we went to the wedding of one of his friends in Cape Girardeau, Mo. The more serious the relationship got, the more I started thinking about kids. Was I ready to be committed to a guy whose family owned shotguns and went to the Waffle House? His dad played Santa Claus in various malls below the Mason-Dixon line during the yuletide season. I didn’t love his pickup truck — it was cramped and always had dog hair on the seat. Fourteen years and two kids later, race is still a thing, in a growing list of things, that defines us. Affairs chronicles the current dating scene in and around Los Angeles. And I knew from talking to him on the phone that he was from the South. As we drove along, I surreptitiously glanced at him — he was wearing a nice suit, having come straight from his office to get me. No matter how advanced a society we think we are, the idea that we’re post-racial is laughable. “The heart of Klan activity,” one of my friends felt compelled to tell me. Raised in Florida, I know about chewing tobacco, gator farms, 2 Live Crew, y’all, and the Confederate flag. Their thought bubble hovered, clear as day: “After everything they’ve done to us, you’re going to date one of them? When I told the writers on the show I was dating a white guy from the South who drove a pickup truck, I could tell they were skeptical. My parents were Baha’is who didn’t celebrate Christmas. I loved that he was a plaintiff’s attorney, helping clients who’d been discriminated against in the workplace.